Powerful and Powerless

I feel powerful when i hit people in hockey. It is the greatest feeling in the world watching them fall. I feel like I am able to own them and make me feel like the boss. I don't love hitting people because then they feel weak, but when i do i enjoy it and make it worth while. Or when something is really going my way and nobody can stop me from winning because then i know that they are all jealous.

I feel powerless when i am not able to do something and need help with it because i feel pathetic. In hockey, i cannot skate backwards and i fall a lot and that is when i feel horrible and embarrassed I know its OK to ask for help but i don't like to anyways because i feel dependant. I also feel powerless when someone says i cant do something. It gets me angry and i try even harder to do it so in the end i do better. Or when i am not aloud to do something that I choose to do because somebody (my mom) does not agree.