SpazProof

Isn’t it annoying having to go out to Wal-Mart or EB games because you’ve broken your mic? Introducing the new Spaz Proof mic! This amazing piece of technology has been proven the most efficient piece of Xbox technology in the world! Its so powerful it is often used by the US military. The mic can withstand 200 pounds of pressure, so you can throw it all you want! Say goodbye to broken mics, and hello to the new mic!

When you cant hear people, its hard to communicate online. The new Spaz Proof mic has simplified volume control, and is effective when you are in the heat of battle. By simply pressing a button, the volume goes up 25%, down 25%, or muted! The Adjustable ear hook makes it easier and less painful when it comes to the health of your ear. Expert communication and valuable simplicity combine in this innovative ear piece.

Under the volume control, you will find a small little box. Don’t be worried, this is the voice changer control. The most impressive technology in the entire set can turn you’re voice into that of Jack Black, Owen Wilson, Samuel Jackson and many other renowned actors. What makes this mic so resilient is the titanium armor that guards the essential wiring. The armor can withstand a 12 caliber gunshot, and it is on a Xbox mic! You don’t need to worry about robbers shooting your mic anymore!

In stores, this mic is 150$, but call in the next 5 minutes, because you know we can’t do this all day, and we will give it to you for only 59.99$! Call now or go to our website www.SPAZPROOF.ca

Roger the Angry Campfire

It was a warm summer night. The horrendous sound of the guitar filled the air, and the disgusting aroma of my smoke wafted about the campsite. Yes, I am a campfire. While I was eating a fresh log, some snot nosed little punk stuck a marshmallow into my coals. In return I send a gargantuan load of blistering sparks his way. Taught that fatty not to mess with me. Aggressively, I roared about into the moist trees above. No good. Wet and soggy, the leaves would not be engulfed right now.

Above the table I heard the old haggardly wench talking to her shrivelled husband about me. Something about putting me out. I swear to god if that gray haired fool even tried to douse me, I would be blazing to high and id burn his ugly face off. He nervously approached me with a small bucket of water. HA! if he thinks that tiny thing is going to ruin my fun, he better think twice. As he took a step closer, I climbed up into the trees and ignited the leaves, starting a massive forest fire. I was delighted to witness that old man to try and put me out. Roasting, my small humble campfire body had turned into an unstoppable inferno! All thanks to that stupid old man.

I felt no sympathy for the trapped family, and as I drifted towards the tent, I heard the growing sounds of screaming children. Abruptly, it ended as a gust of wind blew me straight into the helpless couple. Fried human smelt sort of like chicken. It was magnificent. Sirens of firetrucks could be heard in the distance, and if they got to me before I could reach the gas pump, my plan would be spoiled. Within seconds, the trucks had reached the scene. I was not far from the gas pump, a gust of wind would surely allow me to reach it. But luck was against me. The dedication of the fire fighters was too much. Speedily, I was reduced to a smouldering pile of gray ashes. My reign of terror was over, but at least I killed the pathetic old man and his helpless family.

Moving -Voice

Today is the day. All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go. Excitement filled my house as my dad put the remaining few necessities into the car. Vroom went the engine of my dads F-150, and we were off. Words couldn't express how excited I was for this moment. We were going to California. Leaving my old, boring house to the bustling of beautiful beaches and big city life. After a long, anxious drive, we pulled up to the shining sign reading "Welcome to California". The house was amazing! Considerably larger than my old one, and much more inviting, also. Stunning views of the sandy beach appeared in the windows, and the pool in our backyard made it a one in a kind house. I could already tell this was going to be an excellent home for my family.

Tears dripped down my face and sorrow filled my mind. Why, when I finally made some friends, do I have to move. Sadly, I put my bag into the car and spoke a heartbroken goodbye to my one and only house. If I had just mentioned to my best friend that I was going to miss him dearly,I may not have felt so bad. Unfortunately, the last words I told him were words of hatred and grieving. We pulled out the driveway and I glanced back my my beloved house. Goodbye. That car ride, I cried myself to sleep. Where I awoke was an unfamiliar couch. Suddenly I realized, I was in my new house. Foul stenches filled the air and the yard was muddy and rough. This house was far from the majesty of my previous house. I just want to go home.

Missing in Venice

It was a cold winter morning in Athens. The 6:30 am oil boat, the SS Doogard, was just departing from the wooden harbor. Below the deck, the engine worked fiercely to get the boat to its destination, Venice, Italy. Little did the crew know that this adventure was more than just a delivery.

Awkwardly, the captain clambered aboard the boat. With a few staggered steps, he took the helm of the ship, and they were off. Vodka in hand, Captain Jagger shakily steered to saftey, and let his 12 year old boy , Jared, control. Stumbling off to the corridors to take a nap was the irresponsible captain. Although Jared had never commanded a boat, it first appeared that he was a natural. Calmly, set the boat on a straight course to Venice, and briefly dismissed himself. On the way to the bathroom, Jared stumbled upon something important. I shiny bullet. Since his father was captain, Jared knew that no crew mate was aloud to wield weapons. Anxiety filled Jared and adrenaline was pumping through his veins. Someone was aboard the ship.

Flush went the toilet as Jared finished off his business. As he continued to the command centre of the boat, a nervous crew member appeared at the cargo hold.

"Captain" he shouted. "There is a very valuable piece of cargo that's missing down in Venice. Tell the crew that they need to be on high alert for a blue and gold box.

"Aye matey!" replied Jared in his best pirate accent. It kind of sucked, but at least he gave the effort. With that, he announced on the intercom to be alert for the item. As Jared continued into the command centre of the boat, to his disbelieve, a terrorist had a gun pointed to Jared's drunken father.

"Sail this boat to Venice and get me my blue and gold box or the old bag gets it." ordered the grumpy, uptight terrorist. Jared obeyed, without hesitation. The boat soared through the water and arrive at Venice within minutes. When they arrived at Venice, Jared tried his best to park the boat evenly into the docks. However, luck was not on his side. A strong wind blew the boat off course, and shockingly, it veered straight into a small canal. As they made their way down the canal, they left a horrifying trail of destruction following them. Even with her mighty engines in reverse, the ocean liner was pulled further and further into the canal. Just as they reached the end of the terrorizing stream, Jared realized the breaks were faulty. There was 1 way to safety. They had to leap off the crashing ship into the rubble of the decimated city. Speedily, Jared booted the armed terrorist in the groin and grabbed his disoriented father and dragged him off the boat.

They took a hard landing into a dusty pile of rocks and stone. Jared's back was broken and his dad was unconscious. The terrorist arose from a cloud of dust and took a large handgun out of his pocket. Aggresivly, he stuck the gun in Jareds mouth and warned him one more time if he didnt get his box, Jared would be dead. Meraculously, a skronny old man carrying the box arose from a crowd. The terrorist yanked the box out of the mans hand, and happily scurried off into the crowd. As for Jared, he lived, and so did his dad. Only 1 crew member had been killed, and the boat was tugged out of the canal the same day. However, it wasnt all happy endings. The robbers box had contained far from what he had expected. Within 2 days, the police had captured the man via the tracking divice concealed in the box. The SS Doogard was back into the sea shortly after, with its new captain, 12 year old Jared.

George Harrison is a man from the 1960’s hit band the Beatles. Being the lead guitarist, George enjoyed many different types of music. Intrigued by the sound and uniqueness, George went to India with his band and learned how to play the sitar. Enlightened by the sound of the instrument, George went on to make some great songs. Because George was always a fan of fuzzy creatures, he had a cat named Pseudopod. George and Pseudopod were very close. The time will come when George’s love for the innocent little kitty will be put to the test.

Late at night on Georges band mates alpaca farm, Pineapple, the evil elf, was waiting to ambush George. Sniffing a dirty spoon was Pineapples antelope, who was going to distract the kitty while Pineapple brutaly beat George with the only weapon he had. A WW1 fork. Rusty and sharp, the fork would easily kill him. After waiting over an hour under the leaking hay shed, George and Pseudopod finally approached. Lurking in the bushes on the far side of the street, the antelope discretely pranced around, alerting the tiny fluffy kitty. Pseudopod leaped out of Georges arms and went strait to the hairless brown antelope. Swiftly, the antelope scooped up the innocent kitty in his jaws and ran off.

George was petrified. He watched helplessly as his cherished cat was stolen. Although Pineapple was planning on killing George, his mind was immediately changed. Sitting solemnly under the faded street light was George, weeping, and playing his sitar. Pineapples heart was filled with sorrow and sympathy, and so, with a quick snap of his fingers, the antelope brought back his beloved kitty. Thoughtfully, the elf had giving away his dreams for the happiness of another. Without hesitation, George declined the elf's ct of forgiveness and violently beat him over the head with his tough wooden sitar. Exasperated, George and his kitty left the scene and returned to the safety of his home. George had defended himself and his treasured cat with the simplicity of music.